It will be okay

One of the most difficult times a parent can go through is receiving a special needs diagnosis for their child. For some, it is a relief; finally having some understanding about who your child is. For others, it can be a time of great sadness. You might feel angry, disappointed, or scared. And I’m here to tell you today, that whatever you may have felt, or might be feeling right now, is okay.

By the time my son was one year old, it was very clear that he was different from most other children. He was delayed in all areas of his development. I recognized this, but hearing his diagnosis still hit me hard, like a ton of bricks. I was sad and confused. I was afraid of what the future would hold. There were just so many uncertainties.

We all have a vision, or an idea of how we hope our lives will be. When you decide to have a child, you may have dreams about who they will be and who they will become. You might picture your child’s first steps, first words, first day of kindergarten, last day of high school, or their first love. You might dream of driving them to their hockey games or dance practice. When you hear that your child has special needs, all the expectations that you had may change. You might struggle, as the life you had mapped out so neatly, becomes one of unpredictability. I remember feeling guilty and selfish for wanting the life I had envisioned. I kept thinking, “it’s not about me”. But it is about you; it’s about all of you. It’s completely normal for parents to go through these types of emotions upon receiving a diagnosis. Parents often enter the 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. They don’t necessarily follow that order, and you may experience all of these stages, or just some of them. You might feel like you’ve moved through these stages, but then come back to them at different points in your life. It’s normal. And it’s okay. Even after you have accepted your child’s diagnosis, you may still go through times of grief. They might pop up when you least expect them. The good news is,  it gets easier over time. You accept, you adapt, and you grow.

After my son’s diagnosis, and over time, I began to see things in a completely different way. I began to appreciate his strengths, rather than focusing on the things he can’t do. I began to appreciate his interests, rather than pushing him to do the things I thought he should be interested in. I began to understand and accept that we are all different, and we all have different abilities. I began to realize that there wasn’t a right way or a wrong way. I began to embrace individuality.

You might worry about how things will turn out for you and your child. Will they ever walk, or talk? Will they graduate? Will they ever be independent? Will they be happy? Will they have friends and be accepted by their peers? Whatever your child will or won’t do, they will be okay. You’ll make sure of that. They will be surrounded by people they love and who love them. You’ll make sure of that too.

Wherever you are on your journey, whatever you are thinking or feeling, I want you to know one thing: it is okay, and it will be okay. Maybe even better than okay. Sometimes the most unexpected twists bring the greatest rewards.