Christmas. My favourite holiday of the year. The snow has arrived here in Calgary just in time. It’s magical! We’re having Christmas on our own this year; something we have never done. It’s a far cry from the big Christmas celebrations I loved as a child, but I’m actually really looking forward to it. The holidays can be an extremely stressful time for our family. First, Ryder is out of school for two weeks, which is a challenge for him. His routine is off. He misses his teachers and his friends. He misses the structure. He gets bored. Secondly, Christmas means celebrating. We’ve already attended two large parties, and hosted one, this year. While Ryder enjoys them, they are overwhelming and chaotic. They are a lot to manage for a sensory sensitive person. Heck, they are a lot for me to handle sometimes! Thirdly, our holidays usually either consist of hosting family at our home for a week or two, or travelling to be with our family. Both of these have their benefits, and their downsides. Both are difficult at times because of the disruption they create for Ryder, and let’s face it, for all of us. The holidays, while wonderful, are often a time of stress for many people, not just people like Ryder.
We’re fortunate because Ryder has come a long, long way when it comes to holidays and celebrating, and managing the stress of the busy season. I feel blessed to be able to watch him participate in the social functions, if only for a while. It’s easy to see how much he loves to be around his family and friends. He does enjoy it, even though it is hard for him at the same time. I’m also blessed because we have a family who understands that sometimes we have to do what works for us. This year, that’s staying home and having a quiet Christmas. It’s been a challenging year for us. And it’s okay to say that. It’s good to recognize it. I wouldn’t want to miss the family celebrations every year, but this year, I’m okay with it. I’m actually really looking forward to a Christmas day walk in the snow, and an afternoon snuggled up in our pyjamas!
If someone you love struggles with the holiday season, and attending events and parties, ask them what you can do to help make it easier for them. Our friends and family do this for us, and I’ll tell you, just by asking, they’ve already helped alleviate some of the stress. Don’t take it personally if they opt out of something. Ask if there might be a better time to get together to catch up and celebrate. And keep inviting them. One day they’ll go from only dropping by for a few minutes to having to drag themselves away from the party.
If your family struggles with the holiday season, recognize your limits. Accept that you may not be able to do everything. Set yourself up for success by planning ahead, and giving yourself plenty of time to recover after a big event. For us, when we are busy visiting family and friends, we try to take a day off in between each social function. It gives us a chance to reset. Be prepared to stay for a few minutes, or a few hours. One thing we’ve learned to do is to follow Ryder’s cues. We might want to stay somewhere for the duration, but we’ve learned to understand and respect his limits. When he’s done, it’s time to go.
It’s also really important not to shut yourself away. When we were in the thick of things, it was easy to just say, no, we can’t do that, it’s too hard. But our social connections are important. We need friends and family, and the support that those relationships bring. Try. Get out there. Go to Grandma’s house for turkey dinner, even if you end up bringing that turkey dinner home on a to-go plate. Yes, we’ve done that before. If something is just too much for one member of your family, let them opt out of it. You can still attend. Sometimes we book respite so Ryder can do what he enjoys, and we can do what we enjoy. It’s not the storybook family fun I once envisioned, but it works. And everybody’s happy, so everybody wins.
The holidays are a wonderful, busy, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, and hopefully, festive time for all families. Whatever you do this Christmas season, I hope you find joy and peace in these special days. Merry Christmas, everyone!
love, courage, and caffeine 